m u s i n g s

I made a monumental discovery this morning when I finally figured out when and where the world went wrong.

Squeeze bottles.

Who was the lame-brained-packaged-goods-marketer-researcher (Yay a tmesis) that said "Hey, people will love squeeze bottles for ketchup, mustard, mayo and sure why not relish"

Fuck you.

The world was ok until the squeeze bottle. Ketchup would slowly dribble onto my eggs, not assault them with a tomato torrent! Mustard gently spooned on a hot dog, lovely. Now I stand back never knowing what stream will come out at what force or how much? And relish? Think about it. It should be in a condiment tray not a damn squeeze bottle. It's fucking solid!

Oh sure it saves waste and cost - but tell ya what, if your business rocks that close to the edge, margin wise, sell it, close it, and go live in a commune!

I can see some brainiac at the PG company thinking about harried Moms and saving time and convenience and no mess.

Fuck you.

We need stuff like messes. It teaches kids the right etiquette - at home. Then they can take it to the streets and be fine well-mannered folks. And don't get me started on that. I am at a University and I have seen camels that eat with better manners. Note: I no longer go near the cafeteria, it spoils my appetite.
We need to slow down. We need some inconvenience. Me need dollops, not squeezes!

What I have done inadvertently is to not have them in my house - or if I do I never serve from them.

This morning I made a perfect poached egg. I squeezed ketchup out of the, ugh, squeeze bottle into a small dish. Taking a small spoon and doling out just the right amount the world was fine again. I literally had to put the Heinz back in the fridge cause it simply is ugly, the wrong thing I want on a table with food.
So I am doing my bit. Like reducing the carbon footprint but ... oh, too early to run that metaphor into the wall!

Posted via email from mose's posterous